[Hajime looks to Ryuji and shakes his head before shifting his gaze to Gundam. It doesn't make sense, it's crazy to think about, but it's not...
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head again.]
No, that... that's not what I meant. I meant... how could you keep something like this to yourself? You have to be worried about them, right?
[Gundam can natter on all he wants about being a dark lord and having no friends, etc, etc, but Hajime just can't buy it. He's a weirdo, but he's a weirdo with a kind heart and obvious love for animals. Surely Hajime wasn't his only friend in this weird, messed-up situation?]
I guess what I'm trying to say is... are you okay? Keeping secrets about yourself... isn't easy.
[He manages not to look at Ryuji for that bit. Ryuji is. Bad. at keeping secrets about himself, to say the least. But he's not gonna call him out directly.]
[Gundam can't bring himself to say it as bluntly as Ryuji is able to, but it's hard to hide the tinge of pink that crawls into his cheeks at the accusation.
[Gundam's not one to talk about himself-- not honestly. The veil of obfuscation he hid himself behind was deliberately crafted.]
...
[To be asked if he's worried about someone else? To be asked if he's okay? -- For such a long time such questions would be laughable in their absurdity... Gundam Tanaka was beloved by no earthly beings and no earthly beings were beloved by Gundam Tanaka!
But. For all the difficulties he'd had relating to those on the island... he hadn't wanted them to kill or to die. For all his incompatibilities with humans Hajime had still befriended him. Even more unexpectedly someone like Sonia sought out his company.
When he left they'd all been resigned to their fate. Waiting to die. Giving up.]
...
...
...
[It's hard to find the words that sufficiently obscure such thoughts or such feelings without being insulting to those he left behind.]
[The silence is killing him, even though he knows the cogs are spinning in Gundam's brain. And it's not fair, to either Gundam or Hinata for him to be the one to push this sort of thing out of him. But he's a persona user, he's used to a team that has reached some sense of self-actualization, and even if they're still mostly spotty at it, they've always had someone to ignite each other to try and open up, or at least be strong enough to say what's on their minds regardless of whether or not it hurt them to do it.
And look, Ryuji's still struggling with that himself, in a lot of ways, but it's not healthy to keep all that in. Gundam's not some dark being that's excluded from being a part of the basic tenants of friendship or learning how to cope with stuff like people eventually learn how to do.
He scratches the back of his head.]
Dude, it ain't easy to rip off your own mask, uh, trust me on that one. But... we've only got each other here, right?
'Cause if you're gonna try and go it alone, you're gonna break. There's no way around it. Shit, Hajime was turnin' invisible this month and my I lost an arm. I dunno if I coulda even made it half as long as I did if it weren't for people to kick my as--- butt around.
And I think about all the people back home, too. If they're happy or not, or what happened to them. You gotta keep yourself living in the present. You owe it to yourself. Or, I guess... their memory.
[Man, he kind of does suck at motivational speeches compared to some other people Hajime's met. But there's something about Ryuji's frank honesty that fills Gundam's silence that keeps Hajime from interrupting. His lips firm into a line, and he nods.]
I agree with that.
[It's not the loud, almost accusatory words of consent that Gundam's heart from Hajime during class trials, but a calmer, almost resigned statement. Ryuji's right.]
I... guess what I'm trying to say is that you can rely on us, okay? If you need someone to talk to about... about everything that's happened, you don't have to try to keep it a secret just to protect me.
[Hajime holds out a hand for Gundam, an offer to shake hands and make a deal, if he wants.]
So... let's be honest with each other, and depend on each other. That's what friends do, right?
[Gundam's eyes dart from Ryuji to Hajime, the pressure in his chest tightening. He bristles sharply at the uncomfortable sensation, his shoulders tensing and every hair on his body standing on end.
He'd concealed the truth to protect Hajime, of course! But... Now that he was suddenly forced into such a conversation by these two-- maybe in a way...]
[It's quite remarkable really. Who could have believed that such a sensation could continue to ensnare his heart like this even in the depths of space?
Truly, the beloved foes he left behind were his most formidable opponents...
To think that the great Gundam Tanaka could have such an overwhelming sensation of regret at having been the only one to escape. Feeling twinges of guilt gnawing at his insides whenever he noticed just how terrible replicator food was-- and forcing himself to finish it regardless. Such trifles like a mere lack of sleep or his own body corroding from the inside out-- as if any of this compared to their suffering.
[Ryuji's words are clumsy, yes. However, the intention behind them is clear.
Hajime's words are light by comparison, but in the most trying of situations they've almost always been like that. Soaring above the fighting, the deceit, the confusion-- ah.]
[Gundam eyes Hajime's outstretched hand, hearing the affirmation of their friendship!
He wants to grasp it. If only for that reason alone-- but to do so... would be so unlike him.
Despite the depth of Hajime's potential at this point such a thing-- it's just-- of all the--!! A Singularity and his concubine thinking they could make such a proposition to the Supreme Overlord, Gundam Tanaka, he who would one day rule this world!?
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no subject
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head again.]
No, that... that's not what I meant. I meant... how could you keep something like this to yourself? You have to be worried about them, right?
[Gundam can natter on all he wants about being a dark lord and having no friends, etc, etc, but Hajime just can't buy it. He's a weirdo, but he's a weirdo with a kind heart and obvious love for animals. Surely Hajime wasn't his only friend in this weird, messed-up situation?]
I guess what I'm trying to say is... are you okay? Keeping secrets about yourself... isn't easy.
[He manages not to look at Ryuji for that bit. Ryuji is. Bad. at keeping secrets about himself, to say the least. But he's not gonna call him out directly.]
1/2
He doesn't argue either.]
2/2
...
[To be asked if he's worried about someone else? To be asked if he's okay? -- For such a long time such questions would be laughable in their absurdity... Gundam Tanaka was beloved by no earthly beings and no earthly beings were beloved by Gundam Tanaka!
But. For all the difficulties he'd had relating to those on the island... he hadn't wanted them to kill or to die. For all his incompatibilities with humans Hajime had still befriended him. Even more unexpectedly someone like Sonia sought out his company.
When he left they'd all been resigned to their fate. Waiting to die. Giving up.]
...
...
...
[It's hard to find the words that sufficiently obscure such thoughts or such feelings without being insulting to those he left behind.]
no subject
And look, Ryuji's still struggling with that himself, in a lot of ways, but it's not healthy to keep all that in. Gundam's not some dark being that's excluded from being a part of the basic tenants of friendship or learning how to cope with stuff like people eventually learn how to do.
He scratches the back of his head.]
Dude, it ain't easy to rip off your own mask, uh, trust me on that one. But... we've only got each other here, right?
'Cause if you're gonna try and go it alone, you're gonna break. There's no way around it. Shit, Hajime was turnin' invisible this month and my I lost an arm. I dunno if I coulda even made it half as long as I did if it weren't for people to kick my as--- butt around.
And I think about all the people back home, too. If they're happy or not, or what happened to them. You gotta keep yourself living in the present. You owe it to yourself. Or, I guess... their memory.
[Man, he sucks at motivational speeches.]
no subject
I agree with that.
[It's not the loud, almost accusatory words of consent that Gundam's heart from Hajime during class trials, but a calmer, almost resigned statement. Ryuji's right.]
I... guess what I'm trying to say is that you can rely on us, okay? If you need someone to talk to about... about everything that's happened, you don't have to try to keep it a secret just to protect me.
[Hajime holds out a hand for Gundam, an offer to shake hands and make a deal, if he wants.]
So... let's be honest with each other, and depend on each other. That's what friends do, right?
1/3
He'd concealed the truth to protect Hajime, of course! But... Now that he was suddenly forced into such a conversation by these two-- maybe in a way...]
...I-I see.
[He'd lied to protect himself as well.]
2/3
Truly, the beloved foes he left behind were his most formidable opponents...
To think that the great Gundam Tanaka could have such an overwhelming sensation of regret at having been the only one to escape. Feeling twinges of guilt gnawing at his insides whenever he noticed just how terrible replicator food was-- and forcing himself to finish it regardless. Such trifles like a mere lack of sleep or his own body corroding from the inside out-- as if any of this compared to their suffering.
It's weak.
Weak, weak, weak!
It shouldn't even pierce his heart--!!]
3/4
Hajime's words are light by comparison, but in the most trying of situations they've almost always been like that. Soaring above the fighting, the deceit, the confusion-- ah.]
...You wish to form a contract with me?
4/4 like i said the whole time
He wants to grasp it. If only for that reason alone-- but to do so... would be so unlike him.
Despite the depth of Hajime's potential at this point such a thing-- it's just-- of all the--!! A Singularity and his concubine thinking they could make such a proposition to the Supreme Overlord, Gundam Tanaka, he who would one day rule this world!?
Ah... He really would like to grasp it though...]
no subject
In fact, it's??? so dumb that Ryuji just steps behind Gundam and gives him a little nudge forward. Just fucking shake his hand, you doofus.]
God, you guys are horrible at this confidant thing.